Not His Son's Father
by NemesisFate
Summary: Harry finds out about a terrible secret his mom had. Can his relationship survive this new information? HPSS slash.


Title: Not His Son's Father

Author: Nemesis

Feedback: Harry Potter et al belong to people other than me. What a pity.

Pairing: HP/SS

Rating: G

Summary: Harry finds out something very disturbing about himself.

Beta: My girlfriend, who is ever-patient with my quirks.

Challenge: Coming Out Challenge

Archive: Dawn-to-Dusk Wave IX

Harry stretched. "Damn," he muttered.

"What?" his lover asked.

Harry looked up at Severus. "I have to go into Gringotts today. Look over some stuff my parents left me."

Severus nodded. "You should go, then. Good luck." He kissed Harry.

Harry dressed quickly and left, pausing to kiss Severus goodbye.

He watched with a sense of anxiety as the goblin opened the door to the other Potter vault. Nodding his thanks to the goblin, he entered and immediately began going through the things. Most of it was fairly straightforward, and he was glad when he reached the last box in the vault.

He opened it and found a letter to him from his mom.

"_My dearest Harry,"_ it began.

"_I know by now I am dead. I want you to know something, something no one else could have told you. Only I knew this. I want you to know this, even though it will be a huge shock to you. I'm sorry, Harry. That's the only thing I can offer for what is to come."_

Harry shuddered. He didn't like the sound of that.

"_Before your mind runs down the dangerous road of an uninhibited imagination, let me emphasize that it is not fatal nor particularly scary. Nonetheless, it is a shock._

"_James was often away from home, working for Dumbledore on something or another. I didn't mind terribly; I had my share of work to do as well. One night, while James was away for two weeks, Sirius visited me. This is not strange in itself, but that night was odd. Something that started with an ill-fated kiss ended with… well, a lot. They were tense times, Harry, although that does not excuse my actions. I suppose I should feel shame for them; I do, somewhat, although I do not regret it. I always did fancy Sirius, despite the fact that I was married to James._

"_I had sex with Sirius that night. We never had sex again, realizing that what we had done was wrong. I had cheated on my husband of a month. I felt horrible. James returned five days later, and I put the matter from my mind. He noticed the anxiety, the nausea, but he attributed it to the stress of the war. I could no longer not think about it when I realized I was pregnant. It could have been James' child, but I was doubtful. In the privacy of the bathroom one night, I cast a diagnostic charm. It wasn't James' child. It was Sirius'._

"_I never told anyone, Harry, never. Sirius never knew that he was your father. James never knew he wasn't. I suppose that it was for the best. Far be it from me to come between their deep friendship. Plus, Sirius was dating Remus at the time, and I didn't want to split them up either. It was a terrible secret to carry around, but I did it out of necessity. _

"_This changes little about your legal status, if you're curious. It only changes who your biological father is. Until his death, James loved you, and I need you to know that._

_Lily Evans Potter."_

Harry let the letter drop from his hands. He was Sirius' son. He had spent his entire life thinking he was James Potter's son. His lover had finally come to terms with it, and they were happy together.

"Damn you! Damn you!" he screamed at the letter. He fell to the ground, sobbing. He had no idea how it would change anything, but he knew it would.

He finally managed to drag himself up off the ground and left. No matter what, he couldn't tell Severus. He couldn't lose Severus over his mother's mistake.

He returned to the cottage he shared with Severus. He sat down by the river and thought, staring ahead.

"You okay?" Severus asked, dropping down next to his lover and pulling him into a half-hug.

"Yeah, fine." His answer was curt, unwelcoming. He willed the tears gathering in his eyes away. He didn't need his lover to suspect anything. Severus would leave him in a heartbeat if he knew.

"So, what did you find?" Severus' strong fingers began kneading Harry's arm.

Harry shrugged. "Stuff." He needed time to think it over, think about how he would answer all of Severus' questions. Severus meant well, Harry knew that, but he was worried nonetheless.

Severus understood Harry didn't want to talk about it. "Well, come in, birthday boy. I cooked you a special birthday dinner."

Harry smiled. "Thanks, love." He kissed Severus.

Two months later, Severus sat in Albus' office, having tea.

"I don't understand, Albus. He's distant nowadays. And every time I mention his father – often pleasantly, I've been trying to make my past abuse up to him – he grows cold. I don't know what to do."

"All I can say is give him some time. He'll probably share it with you when he's ready."

Severus sighed. "I was never good at waiting."

"I know."

Three months later, the situation had only worsened. Severus returned from a day of teaching to find Harry packing.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes," Harry answered shortly. "I'm leaving you before you can leave me."

Severus felt years behind the conversation. "The… _what?_"

"Look, I know you're going to leave me. So I'm doing it preemptively. At least this way I can keep some of my dignity, some of my pride. I know I won't have any if you were to leave me. So, you see, I have to leave so that I can have something to call me."

"That's nice. Now, would you mind so dreadfully to explain to me why you think I'm going to leave you?"

"Yes, I would mind so dreadfully," Harry snapped, folding his shirts neatly. The way Severus had taught him. His heart ached, ached painfully. He loved Severus entirely. But he couldn't sit around and wait until Severus found out. It would be far, far worse if Severus knew.

"Harry, listen to me."

Harry didn't listen. He continued sweeping around the room, gathering all of his things.

"Harry, please," Severus near-pleaded with his lover. He loved Harry too much to let him go now.

A pause. Severus felt some hope. Harry shook himself and continued to put his things away.

"Potter, would you please _listen!_"

"What?" Harry snarled.

"What is wrong? I only want to help."

"You won't after I tell you what is wrong."

"You can't know that."

"Oh, yes I can. You've proven it to me so many times before."

"You can't be sure. I'm sure I'll understand. Please. Harry, I _want_ to know. I want to help."

"Fine, you wanna know what's wrong? Five months ago, when I went to go look in my parent's vault, I found a letter from my mother. You know what she told me?"

"No."

"Do you want to know?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. I can tell it's hurting you something awful, and I love you, and I want to help you because of that love."

"Fine. She told me that I'm not James Potter's son."

Severus blinked owlishly. "You're not? Then who's son are you?"

"Sirius'," Harry answered in a muffled voice, ashamed.

The pieces fell in quickly. That's why Harry had been pushing him away. That's why Harry was leaving. He thought Severus would be furious. He thought Severus would treat him the way he treated Sirius.

"See?" Harry sneered. "I knew you would be angry."

"No, love, no. I'm not angry. Just a little shocked. I never thought Lily cheated on Potter. With Black, no less."

"You mean, you're… You're not angry that I'm the son of the man that nearly killed you?" The shirt in his hand fell forgotten onto the bed.

"No. You're not your father's son. You're Harry. Whether you're Potter's son or Black's. I got over James Potter being your father; I can easily get over Black being your father. The only thing that disturbs me is that you look like Potter, which seems to defeat Lily's claim that you're Black's son."

Harry wordlessly handed him a picture. Severus immediately recognized both Sirius and James.

"They could have passed off as brothers," Harry offered by way of explanation. "Barring the eyes – which are my mum's – I could have either James' features or Sirius'."

Severus nodded. He embraced Harry. "I'm not angry," he murmured in Harry's ear. "But next time, don't let it eat away at you for five months when you could've told me before. Merlin, Harry, I love you, and I want to help you. But I can't if you hide things from me. Things of that magnitude."

Harry smiled. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"For what? For not blowing up at you for being Black's son?"

Harry nodded.

Severus chuckled. "That's not your fault. It's your mother's."

Harry smiled happily. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

-- End.


End file.
